Prego my Eggo

November 20, 2009 at 6:33 pm (Parenthood, WJ) (, )

So here’s some news. Baby numero 4 is his (or her) way to the JaRuud house.

My head has been swimming for a couple weeks now, as has my stomach.  We haven’t told anyone but the kids and one friend, and I’m not one for secrets.  I feel the need to blab today.  Why not tell the whole internet?  And the few friends that read this!

This is the longest I’ve gone into a pregnancy (not far really, though- 7 weeks), without telling my family.  Why not?  Well, I guess I’m feeling a little teenage-unwed-mother.  Though I’m not unwed, and clearly I’m not a teenager.  Maybe I’m just feeling a little silly.  Three-quarters of my children weren’t planned!  Can’t you guys control yourselves?  I picture my mom saying the same thing as she did when I called her to tell her I was pregnant the first time:  “Whoa.  *long pause*  I better go get your dad.”

Here’s a looking-glass into some of the crazy brain twirling-

*A baby!  A sweet little ball whose curled up position shows me exactly the way he curled inside me.

-Oh, we can so not afford a baby right now.  Before I had babies, I was disillusioned into thinking children were not expensive.  I’d buy used clothes, used toys; our bottom line would barely be impacted.  Silly me.  Those kids actually eat!  They require a bigger car, a bigger house.  Clothes and toys are not the half of it.  When I was single my default I-don’t-want-to-cook-dinner was a slice of pizza and a beer from the pizza joint across the street for about $8.  Now that meal for us is about $40 (minus the beer for the kids), and it’s not across the street in Suburbia.  And our annual income is now less than when I was eating the $8 pizza.

*A whole new JaRuud person.  Judging by the lovely gene combinations Mark and I made with his siblings, he has a great chance of adding to the world in the wonderful ways of imagination, silliness, creativity, and happiness.

-How am I ever going to handle four such creative, opinionated, messy, LOUD individuals on a daily basis?  I’m having trouble with three.  Trouble might be the wrong world.  I don’t think anyone else would say I’m having trouble.  I get compliments on my kids all the time.  I do have a hard time feeling I’m doing a good job at this motherhood thing.  Adding to the load can’t help.

*Baby smells.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Calming baby smells.

-How in the world do those moms of 10 kids manage to be pregnant while raising the other 9 kids?  I am having serious trouble coping.  I am drained of energy.  I’ve agreed to turn on the television many more times than I’d normally.  My patience is way under par.  Mt. Foldmore is growing and I have zero ambition to tackle it.  The nausea has set in, and all I want to eat is bagels and cream cheese.  Fruit and veggies have been lacking in my kids’ meals because I don’t feel like eating them.  Thankfully Mark has picked up a lot of the slack, but I feel sooo guilty.  He didn’t sign up for this.  Intentionally.  Then again, neither did I.  Intentionally.  Back in my first pregnancy I kept a detailed journal every day.  In my second pregnancy, I intended to do another journal, and wrote a couple days.  This time I know I won’t, but it’s nice to refer to the first journal.  I wrote back then, “No one tells you beginning pregnancy is so taxing.”  At least I know this is normal for me.  I also know with that pregnancy nausea got significantly better at 9.5 weeks.  Just a couple more weeks then.

-Lurking is the thought:  This pregnancy feels a lot like my first one.  The one with twin boys.  I’m praying the similarity is carrying a male, not carrying TWO.

*Sibling relationships are amazing to witness.  Kids in big families bond like none other.  Learn to give like none other.  Four is such a nice even (and square!) number.  It’s been my favorite number, since high school, when I decided it should be the default guess on any math or science test if I didn’t know the answer.  I’m pretty sure somewhere waaaay waaay in the depths of my mind I knew this would happen, I knew this is right.  Greta won’t be the odd one out anymore.  All three are really excited.  Auden and Parker have known for a while that you need a part of a man and a part of a woman to make a baby.  For around a year that satisfied them, but one day recently Auden asked how those two pieces get together.  Boy how they laughed at my answer.  I asked them at dinner after I knew I was pregnant, “Do you guys think we should have any more babies?”  They got excited even then, “Oh yes.  Make one right now.”  I said, well that’s something mamas and daddies do in private.  “OK, we’ll go upstairs then!”  They meant us to make a baby right then, in the dining room.  I’m sure that’s where some babies are made, but none of mine!  We decided just the next day to tell them, and one said, “You made one ALREADY?!?”  Now they think we’re having a baby because they told us to!

*Maybe I will get to have the non-interventive birth I always wanted.  (Twins are a crazy birth experience, and Greta was a c-sec.)

-I am so done with baby stuff.  Bouncers, bottles, toys, gates.  We had a lot less of it than some families, but it’s pervasive.  Now it’s going to creep back into my house.  I don’t worry too much though.  Most anything, if I don’t want to let it in, doesn’t have to come back.  Babies need a lot less than they get, in terms of stuff.

*What I’m not worried is the baby itself.  We’ve got that part down.  Nighttime nursing, diaper changing, those tasks don’t scare me.  Wear the baby, sleep with the baby, sing to the baby, occasionally give it a bath, that’s all good.  I’m a lot more apprehensive about the year we have 7, 7, 4, and 1 year olds.

We’re adjusting.  We’re accepting.  Hopefully I won’t regret later announcing this in a less than 100% positive way for the whole world to see.  I’m being honest.  It’s hard for Heather not to be honest.  I think that’s why I haven’t told many yet.  I’m working up to an honestly positive spin on this.  A new baby.  A fourth baby.  I think it may be just the blessing, just the balance our family needed.  Exciting indeed!

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2 Comments

  1. Jessica said,

    Oh my gosh! Congratulations! You should have seen my jaw drop when I read this. I love your honesty and the glimpse inside your head. So refreshing. And if anyone can do four, YOU can. Wishing you a speedy 1st trimester so you can get on with the good stuff!

  2. Marcia said,

    Oh my, Heather, Congratulations, and I hear you!! It is precisely your reflective nature, your honesty, your humor, and your unending love for 1, 2, and 3 that makes you so perfect for mothering #4!!!! (Or, #4 and #5 :)) I am sending my love and prayers that you can make it past the nausea!

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